(P(ersonal))rogress.....

As for my losing weight, I'm still doing good. I haven't weighed myself yet. But I did find out a interesting fact that my body fat percentage is 36.3. That a lot I understand, which is bad. But at least I'm reducing it.


As for my person life. I've quit trying to get with even or w/e with STE. I saw some pictures, that just solidify why I can't. Sucks. What bugs me is.....if we were "good friends" how come we never did what good friends usually do..... i mean im not saying we weren't friends cause i remember when she went to DOM and we had a video chat and stuff. Now most females wouldn't even make anyone see them before they "freshen" up.
So she was like (while we were...video chatting) that i think she didn't look good and her hair wasn't done. So I guess it was proof that I was more than just somebody. and IMO. She was still beautiful, skin radiated like the SOL, or diamante, or like a face from a recently face acid wash..(lol at the irony..AT first).

But any ways. I think the last time i would see her was in school. I asked twice or triple times to "just hang out" but either her parents wouldn't allow it or....well yea that was it. Either way she didn't. So I've tried. So..for right now....that...whole...STE things is dormant...nearly..sealed away.. I guess to become grown up you have to learn certain highschool things alone, and I guess crushes are one of them

Progress with "Mai" Lyfe

We'll I've been having nightmares and they have been occurring every night; I've been having dreams of where I am asking a number of girls I like to go out with me or something of the sort. I wake up. Its rather annoying and it also has sparked an idea. The catalyst dream was.........

Me and my buddy is hanging out and somehow the subject switched over to LAT. He told me that he knows where she lives. Next scene is im seeing her and she's saying "oh my lord" (same thing she said in myspace). I then say to her OMG LAT, I missed you. Next scene me and her are sitting on the couch and some how I had her hands between mines, and I was caressing them nice and slow. Next scene.. my buddy comes over and said "Yo she has a man" I looked and saw her man, some picture of a guy on her myspace. I dont even know if he is thought (lol) Then I said "my bad" then i woke up.


Two things happened in this dream. I again woke up right before I set a precedent. (2) I'm beginning to wonder maybe my ddreams are trying to tell me im ready to try it in real life, like do the things i wanted to do in MOST of my dreams (not this one). So, based on that I attempted...and heres what happened.


STE: hey fabian

Me: hey

STE: how you doing?

Me: im fine

Me: I've been meaning to ask you something

Me: I'm not sure how to soften this or make it sound differnt so meh here i goes

STE: go ahead

Me: I've liked you for a while, and I know you have a BF, but just out of curiousity.

Me: do I stand a chance with you?

STE: im be real nice to you ok

Me: <_<

Me: Dont.

Me: Nice is sugar coating it.

Me: and sugar is bad for me

STE: i have always seen you as a real good friend

STE: i wouldnt want a real relationship ruin or friendshiop

STE: i rahter have you in my life as a friend then not have you in my life at all

Well ya...there you go..? Am I sad? yes. I'll move on though.

While you depart listen to this song I randomly found just today...and but as how IRONY loves to f**k with me, listen to it. Fantasy - Demetrius Lane it was a low budget project, but the lyrics is the meaning.............

Lost 3 More Pounds

I'm 324 now.

Mai Valentine Day

Today is the day where females get a second birthday. Some people may call this a SAD day. I call it just a regular day. But today reminded me of the things i did in the past for this day.(a think balloon,balloons.)

Starting from the fifth grade, I think. There was this girl named Ashandi, she was a girl i liked for that grade. I remember i think someone of my classmates had some type of clay thing I made a cute little poem and I carved a heart and put it in a paper letter and gave it to her.

Sixth grade

Hmm, I don't remember much about this year therefore I didn't do much I was in a new school and still shy. But I remembered I liked this girl name LOT. She used to take the bus from across my home. One day someone i knew went to her and said "Yo my friend likes you and blah blah." He came back to me and said she said that "he's not bad enough". Bad enough?. I just ignored that response and went on with my year, but i still wondered what she meant. Though I had an idea, it wasn't 'till I saw who she went out with that I knew what she meant bad enough, she wanted those BAD BOYS. pfft. The reason i remember it was because that was one of the most stupidest things I've heard for a rejection. Meh enough of that...

Seventh Grade - Eighth Grade

This was a cool year for me in regards to what I did. I had a big crush, probably one the biggest ATM on this girl named LAT. She's pretty, smart and just a cool person to hang out with. I took an interest in her in the early months of school year. I'm unclear which year what I'm writing about occurred in, but I'll say it anyway. So basically, the whole 7th year was just getting to know her and becoming good friends. I THINK, it was V day. I wrote a letter(ya this will occur alot), expressing that I liked her and how I dreamed (which I didn't but I said it anyways because it was nice and I would if I could) that we live in a fancy mansion buy her all the things she wanted and something about Disney World and some other things. I don't remember much, however believe me it was a letter that would make any female blush. I wrote it anonymously, left no hint of who authored it. I put it in her backpack, when she wasn't looking and I don't remember the circumstance but some how I told her to open her book pack. She read it and went on a quest to find out who wrote it. Sometime in the near future I confessed and said wrote it. But that was along time after she saw it..had a bf at time and i was bored.

Next year w/e still good friend same 'ol, so V day comes. I'm feeling confident. So the day before, I got some money went to some discount stores, got a perfume shaped in a rose flower, a bouquet of flowers(I THINK), and the classic box of chocolate (heart shaped). So the following day I came to school early; went to the teacher that she was gonna have, told her to give it to her when she comes (again I'm still WAY to shy). I don't remember if I told the teach' to reveal who the gifts came from. In the end though she found out...but I VAGULEY remember her reaction but i remember it was a good one. Did anything result from that no.... Ever since Sousa, i haven't seen her. Maybe ONCE or twice but that was it. I miss her alot. If she ever reads this I hope we can get in contact again...I tried myspace but meh.. no luck

$*#$*#$* Wait as I speak I tried searching ok. I'm writing eveything I do. Ok I found a profile that belongs to her. YAY!! Looks to see when she last logged in...2/ YAY 27..wtf... 07.. .OMFG! **Hits the back button to go back to list of results* I see a second profile and....its CURRENT! Brb. $%^%$^

Back to the paragraph above..

THANKS Myspace.

eh...



As the years add up, I am more reluctant in pursing anyone; a natural reaction due to the years before. Nothing happens 9 grade..met this girl name "GEN"..(hold on to that) in my science class, she was pretty. Nothing happens 10 grade. Those years of not expressing anything bottled up and the result was a COOL poem!
These Hormones The foundation on it was in that was my tenth year in my social studies class I again..liked a girl and at the same TIME I was wanting to go up to her and talk. Which was so/kinda still Unlike me! So I wanna to know why??? and why now..and not before..So I thought it may be hormones...therefore..the poem.

Tenth Grade

I did nothing special to her. Told her I like her but made it so that she didn't need to respond because COME ON - I knew the outcome. See this one was different I knew I'd get rejected but at the same time..I was feeling so confident to at least go up to her; which was SOO not coy) but it felt disappointed:good. Good because I DID IT(woot) disappointed because well the attempt was failure.
Another females captured my eye, but only for a moment.....but didn't even try. She was one of the "If only" girls; I COULD go up to her but i doubt anything would happen. I'd studder..get mad red..and stupid.......

Just for labels, I'm gonna name her STE, and the first crush for my tenth grade year Aynot. Enough about TON. Nothing happens in 11 grade 'cept for summer school where I saw GEN Again.. This time though a year has gone and summer school rolled out. I think because of all this imaginative, creative, lust and some other emotions I had. This was why this "letter'' seemed so deep. Wait, though read this.

#############

I compare a crush to a lighted match. The fire is the Crush the fuel is the wood which is the interaction between the crush and the crushette. When there is no more wood(no pun intended lol) theres no more fire..there fore no more crush!

############

Ok. So ya in 9nth grade remember when i first mentioned GEN..a match lighted. Grades 10-11 the fire was virtually put out..BUT in summer school it lit back up again..

I believe this was one my biggest Lush(crush+lust) up to date.. It inspired me ALOT.. It almost even rivaled the crush between the one i had with LAT...ALMOST..rivaled it.

Fastforward a bit..

I write a letter expressing everything....(yes I KNOW i'm a letter guy. Its only because I can't do it verbally without friggin up)..Go to this links to see the progress of the letter...but to shortcut it...result..I didn't ask he to go out i just revealed how i felt. Therefore I didn't get rejection nor did i do anything..a lose lose situation! ok first link is the letterr....

The Letter
I couldn't forfilled the goals of all things i said in there..

Her Response

Filler - Why Does Irony Mock me

Ps. I don't find many females attractive so when I do find one I guess I go a little bit over board..

Thats it for that saga....theres no ending...nothing else happens. I just let it be. I close that chapter on my book of life. Didn't pursuit a hopeless mission.

################

Remember how I said irony mocks me..as I right this..on jay Leno... james blunt is performing..not that song though. phew....Cause if it did, someone, something is playing a cruel joke.
###############


You can go to my myspace.com/paramountx . And read some other "CAMPAIGN" I had. Basically It was a short lived crush. Not sincere as THESE. That was like a quickie crush, didn't mean anything. BUT Again I WROTE a letter and damn that letter WAS GOOD!!!



Twelfth Grade

This is the last year of standard education. Last year to do anything; make an impression, make friends, ask a girl out, you know the last chance things. So one of my major goals this year was to FINALLY go up to a girl I liked and attempt to ask that person out. My prey was STE; from the 10th grade. She's real pretty, I.M.O. she's quiet and determined. I didn't immediately recognize that I liked her, again. I think what ignited the fire again was the interaction I had with her. What I most liked about her besides her "sun like" beauty, was her determination. There's more about her, but I can't seem to conjure it up. I mean when you like someone you can name generic things that you find interesting, but theres always this alternate thing that attracts you and you can't name it. So the month preceding V-day I just did normal classmate things. Bother her and got her to talk.

V day comes and I didn't do a thing. I still wasn't ready. Plus I heard she had a Bf. So I didn't try. I started to realize that after almost every attempt at talking to a girl I'd end up losing contact with them. I then realize "maybe I shouldn't try because I could spoil a potentially good friendship". I then stop pursing her as a Gf but more as a friend. Fastforward a couple of months and prom is coming up. My impression of the prom is going with your B/Gfriend. So this posed a problem for me. My doctrine decided that I couldn't go, because I didn't have gf. So about a couple of weeks I decline invites from friends. Then one of friends talked some sense into me. You can call him Zmiius. I wrote a blog about the event of me getting, well not a GF but atleast a FF(female friend) to go with me. I decided to try STE.

I called this one Slower Than A Slug

and here is a Poem. Close to The Sun

and for The Prom.

So as of now, whats happening. Do I still talk to her? Yes via internet. Occasionally....

What I Would Like.

This is my wish list, inspired by the desire WANT and 2-12-07.

I want a reason to have a cell phone
I want to share that V day with someone , if ya know wah i mean.
I want a trikke 12 roadster matte want to donate some cash I do paypal

I want a gyalfriend - -

I want a reason to buy things for her........
I want to know a girl likes me


Alas these are just wants...not needs...but..but. I would still like 'em

Promising Promises

Well its been a while since I posted a post. Reason why 'cause internet been giving problems for the computer. But I got some cool news. I am STILL going to the gym. Yep, I haven't given up like some other people. My sister is trying to and DID convince my dad to join the gym as well. But I tell you, i dont think its promising. My dad has the same problem he's big and needs to lose weight. The thing is my dad does not have the motivation. NOTHING. He doesn't believe going to the gym is good for him, which is total bogus. I got him doing the same thing; taking a set of pictures each week and comparing. Me though im still doing good. I went a bit offtrack and missed a couple of days of not going to the gym. I weighed my self and i was 330lbs. Yep thats correct. But I know where the discrepancy is the day I weighed my self I had a lot of extra things. So I believe that 328 was a mis reading. Well anyways. Thats all for now. Oh oh weight. I also do a aerobics class. MAN I tell you its crazy but it does it. Makes me sweat and works me out. Alright.

*Cues the CheckPoint Sound*

Different audio this time. Why, well because I did another checkpoint. Click to here it.

So, what have I done to earn another medal. Well if you were reading remember how I said I was going to try to burn like 2000 calories. I did, well according to the machine. I broke it up in segments. Since the machine only allows 1 hour max. Hour 1 I did everything you know the elliptical straight no pauses. Ever ten minutes I would drink water from a 16.oz bottle. Equally distributing the liquid. I burn 1024 I believe. Ok so by the time I was done I had no more water so I went to get some, came back and began again this time I broke up the hour into 2 half because I knew i would need water. So I went right back on the elliptical and pedaled. Together I burned ATLEAST 1900 calories from the elliptical. I burned the rest of it through weight lifting. You know, what really kept me motivated was the songs (Daft Punk's - One More Time also Junior Senior's Move Your Feet) I know you know those song. Whether from Kanye West or the White Chicks Movie( I knew it before that). So ya I listened to those song TOO along with the rest of my music. I felt so good today that I made that that goal. Pictures coming soon. I hope.

Lived Another Year

Yea January 12 was my birthday. I am 19 now. Well unlike most people, I did nothing. I stood home watched TV, you know the regular stuff like on a ordinary day, thought it's not. Something just came to me. Based on my logic I said I want to remove 300 pounds...now if i were to accomplish that I would weigh 28lbs... Woops there.. Let me restate the things I meant. I searched on google for a IDEAL WEIGHT calculator. I found one, there are TONS. The one I used was from Health Central. It said my ideal weight was between 178 to 195.8lbs and I'm overweight by 132.2lbs. LOL Ok so I'm not going to go for a specific decimal weight goal like 178.5. Ok So I would have to lose 132 not the original 300. I dont know why I said 300. Well, I'm not going for the highest weight in my ideal weight range so losing 132 is not enough. I want to go for the lose the ATLEAST Part. So to accomplish that I would have to lose 150lbs to weigh 178lbs. So in a course of a year, each month I would need to lose 12.5 Lbs(whoa). That calculates to atleast burning around 3.1250 a week. Hmm.....Ok, I think that is more reachable than trying to burn 300 a year, lol.

P.S. this post was for the people that came here through my Yahoo! Answers Question


So yep I didn't do anything today..sadly. Just though about some girl(s) and hmm the whats ifs. Tomorrow I'm going to the gym and imma try to go for two hours burn 2000 calories :-o

Do Do Do "Check Point!!"

Like the lady announcer from the Cruisin' World game when you reached a Checkpoint. Click Here to Hear the Sound "Check Point" It will sound around 1:46.

Today I did. I burned 1082 calories in one hour. Imagine that. I felt so accomplished. You know, people say exercising is this and that and a drag. To me, when I exercise I love it. I really must give thanks to portable music player..most notable the MP3 players. You can only do so much, but when you hear music it just extra "UMMPH" to go a bit more. My goal of the year is to lose 150. Call me crazy, call me suicidal just dont call my phone, I dont have any minutes. Yes you may say this is virtually impossible. I say NAY!! I doubt I can achieve this lol but I'll try. For me to lose 150 within a year I would have to lose 12 .5lbs a month. Which means loosing around 3-4 lbs a week.
Will I succeed this feat..prolly not. Will I try it, I bet you by golly wow I'll try.

Progress so far

Ok, I've signed up at the gym Flex Appeal located in Mount Vernon, New York. I paid 279 $ for a whole year. I just started working out there so I'm still novice about the equipment, but for the past two days I've done elliptical where I burned 500 calories in 30 mins. Man, I sweat so much I need to drink water like every 5 minutes. I'mma post pictures soon as I dont look grossly grotesque, or when I can compare the pictures to a before or after...I dunno.

The Beginning

Ok so this is the plan. I plan on loosing weight. I am going to track my progress, post the progress on my blogs and things. How I plan on doing it is. Taking pictures of my self everyday just to be as detail as i can get. I plan on posting what I did that day as far as exercise, what I ate and just things I can put in. Now as I post each week I will hope you can stay with me in this weight loss adventure.


Right now I weigh 328 LBS. Ya, whoa. I am 6' tall. You do the math.


I plan on accomplishing THIS without the use of enhancements of kinds no fat loss pill, nothing medical like drugs or anything JUST PURE Change of DIET(not saying im Dieiting like how the word is generally used, im using it as how ITS SUPPOSE to be used) and DETERMINATION. I may change portions here and there. But for the most part ^_^ life will be the same