Mai Valentine Day

Today is the day where females get a second birthday. Some people may call this a SAD day. I call it just a regular day. But today reminded me of the things i did in the past for this day.(a think balloon,balloons.)

Starting from the fifth grade, I think. There was this girl named Ashandi, she was a girl i liked for that grade. I remember i think someone of my classmates had some type of clay thing I made a cute little poem and I carved a heart and put it in a paper letter and gave it to her.

Sixth grade

Hmm, I don't remember much about this year therefore I didn't do much I was in a new school and still shy. But I remembered I liked this girl name LOT. She used to take the bus from across my home. One day someone i knew went to her and said "Yo my friend likes you and blah blah." He came back to me and said she said that "he's not bad enough". Bad enough?. I just ignored that response and went on with my year, but i still wondered what she meant. Though I had an idea, it wasn't 'till I saw who she went out with that I knew what she meant bad enough, she wanted those BAD BOYS. pfft. The reason i remember it was because that was one of the most stupidest things I've heard for a rejection. Meh enough of that...

Seventh Grade - Eighth Grade

This was a cool year for me in regards to what I did. I had a big crush, probably one the biggest ATM on this girl named LAT. She's pretty, smart and just a cool person to hang out with. I took an interest in her in the early months of school year. I'm unclear which year what I'm writing about occurred in, but I'll say it anyway. So basically, the whole 7th year was just getting to know her and becoming good friends. I THINK, it was V day. I wrote a letter(ya this will occur alot), expressing that I liked her and how I dreamed (which I didn't but I said it anyways because it was nice and I would if I could) that we live in a fancy mansion buy her all the things she wanted and something about Disney World and some other things. I don't remember much, however believe me it was a letter that would make any female blush. I wrote it anonymously, left no hint of who authored it. I put it in her backpack, when she wasn't looking and I don't remember the circumstance but some how I told her to open her book pack. She read it and went on a quest to find out who wrote it. Sometime in the near future I confessed and said wrote it. But that was along time after she saw it..had a bf at time and i was bored.

Next year w/e still good friend same 'ol, so V day comes. I'm feeling confident. So the day before, I got some money went to some discount stores, got a perfume shaped in a rose flower, a bouquet of flowers(I THINK), and the classic box of chocolate (heart shaped). So the following day I came to school early; went to the teacher that she was gonna have, told her to give it to her when she comes (again I'm still WAY to shy). I don't remember if I told the teach' to reveal who the gifts came from. In the end though she found out...but I VAGULEY remember her reaction but i remember it was a good one. Did anything result from that no.... Ever since Sousa, i haven't seen her. Maybe ONCE or twice but that was it. I miss her alot. If she ever reads this I hope we can get in contact again...I tried myspace but meh.. no luck

$*#$*#$* Wait as I speak I tried searching ok. I'm writing eveything I do. Ok I found a profile that belongs to her. YAY!! Looks to see when she last logged in...2/ YAY 27..wtf... 07.. .OMFG! **Hits the back button to go back to list of results* I see a second profile and....its CURRENT! Brb. $%^%$^

Back to the paragraph above..

THANKS Myspace.

eh...



As the years add up, I am more reluctant in pursing anyone; a natural reaction due to the years before. Nothing happens 9 grade..met this girl name "GEN"..(hold on to that) in my science class, she was pretty. Nothing happens 10 grade. Those years of not expressing anything bottled up and the result was a COOL poem!
These Hormones The foundation on it was in that was my tenth year in my social studies class I again..liked a girl and at the same TIME I was wanting to go up to her and talk. Which was so/kinda still Unlike me! So I wanna to know why??? and why now..and not before..So I thought it may be hormones...therefore..the poem.

Tenth Grade

I did nothing special to her. Told her I like her but made it so that she didn't need to respond because COME ON - I knew the outcome. See this one was different I knew I'd get rejected but at the same time..I was feeling so confident to at least go up to her; which was SOO not coy) but it felt disappointed:good. Good because I DID IT(woot) disappointed because well the attempt was failure.
Another females captured my eye, but only for a moment.....but didn't even try. She was one of the "If only" girls; I COULD go up to her but i doubt anything would happen. I'd studder..get mad red..and stupid.......

Just for labels, I'm gonna name her STE, and the first crush for my tenth grade year Aynot. Enough about TON. Nothing happens in 11 grade 'cept for summer school where I saw GEN Again.. This time though a year has gone and summer school rolled out. I think because of all this imaginative, creative, lust and some other emotions I had. This was why this "letter'' seemed so deep. Wait, though read this.

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I compare a crush to a lighted match. The fire is the Crush the fuel is the wood which is the interaction between the crush and the crushette. When there is no more wood(no pun intended lol) theres no more fire..there fore no more crush!

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Ok. So ya in 9nth grade remember when i first mentioned GEN..a match lighted. Grades 10-11 the fire was virtually put out..BUT in summer school it lit back up again..

I believe this was one my biggest Lush(crush+lust) up to date.. It inspired me ALOT.. It almost even rivaled the crush between the one i had with LAT...ALMOST..rivaled it.

Fastforward a bit..

I write a letter expressing everything....(yes I KNOW i'm a letter guy. Its only because I can't do it verbally without friggin up)..Go to this links to see the progress of the letter...but to shortcut it...result..I didn't ask he to go out i just revealed how i felt. Therefore I didn't get rejection nor did i do anything..a lose lose situation! ok first link is the letterr....

The Letter
I couldn't forfilled the goals of all things i said in there..

Her Response

Filler - Why Does Irony Mock me

Ps. I don't find many females attractive so when I do find one I guess I go a little bit over board..

Thats it for that saga....theres no ending...nothing else happens. I just let it be. I close that chapter on my book of life. Didn't pursuit a hopeless mission.

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Remember how I said irony mocks me..as I right this..on jay Leno... james blunt is performing..not that song though. phew....Cause if it did, someone, something is playing a cruel joke.
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You can go to my myspace.com/paramountx . And read some other "CAMPAIGN" I had. Basically It was a short lived crush. Not sincere as THESE. That was like a quickie crush, didn't mean anything. BUT Again I WROTE a letter and damn that letter WAS GOOD!!!



Twelfth Grade

This is the last year of standard education. Last year to do anything; make an impression, make friends, ask a girl out, you know the last chance things. So one of my major goals this year was to FINALLY go up to a girl I liked and attempt to ask that person out. My prey was STE; from the 10th grade. She's real pretty, I.M.O. she's quiet and determined. I didn't immediately recognize that I liked her, again. I think what ignited the fire again was the interaction I had with her. What I most liked about her besides her "sun like" beauty, was her determination. There's more about her, but I can't seem to conjure it up. I mean when you like someone you can name generic things that you find interesting, but theres always this alternate thing that attracts you and you can't name it. So the month preceding V-day I just did normal classmate things. Bother her and got her to talk.

V day comes and I didn't do a thing. I still wasn't ready. Plus I heard she had a Bf. So I didn't try. I started to realize that after almost every attempt at talking to a girl I'd end up losing contact with them. I then realize "maybe I shouldn't try because I could spoil a potentially good friendship". I then stop pursing her as a Gf but more as a friend. Fastforward a couple of months and prom is coming up. My impression of the prom is going with your B/Gfriend. So this posed a problem for me. My doctrine decided that I couldn't go, because I didn't have gf. So about a couple of weeks I decline invites from friends. Then one of friends talked some sense into me. You can call him Zmiius. I wrote a blog about the event of me getting, well not a GF but atleast a FF(female friend) to go with me. I decided to try STE.

I called this one Slower Than A Slug

and here is a Poem. Close to The Sun

and for The Prom.

So as of now, whats happening. Do I still talk to her? Yes via internet. Occasionally....

What I Would Like.

This is my wish list, inspired by the desire WANT and 2-12-07.

I want a reason to have a cell phone
I want to share that V day with someone , if ya know wah i mean.
I want a trikke 12 roadster matte want to donate some cash I do paypal

I want a gyalfriend - -

I want a reason to buy things for her........
I want to know a girl likes me


Alas these are just wants...not needs...but..but. I would still like 'em